Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
