you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
