Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
