how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize