I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
