There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
