I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
