she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
