I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
