do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
