I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I understand Curling. That high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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