YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so let's talk penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
