New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize