I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize