i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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