A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am available for nakedness
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
