I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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