But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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