Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
