Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
