You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
