Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
