Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
