Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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