So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
