Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
