Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Acid is not a monday night drug
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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