I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
