I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
