so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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