what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
