me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
