This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
