the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
