So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
