But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
