So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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