grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
