You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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