Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Small penises have feelings too.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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