dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
