I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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