you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
