I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
50% drunk capacity currently
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
