Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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