Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I FOUND THE LEGS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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