Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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