I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
