Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
