Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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