i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
