I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
