White coat. Heels.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
