please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
