I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
