This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
