I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
