margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
