how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
