Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You are the jesus of drinking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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