i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize