as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
