Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
