I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
