I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
