So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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