Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
