Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
