Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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