Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
