We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
