I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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