don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
