I think this baby is eyeing my beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
