So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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