Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
