im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
