I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The Olympian is in my bed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
