If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
