Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Houston, we have a squirter
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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