i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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