I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
