I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
