im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
