you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A+ Viking dick
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
