i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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