a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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