You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
