Your mouth is God's brothel.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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