ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
organizing the empties. That sober.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
