Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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