Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize