I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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