you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
