I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
