The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
