I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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