idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize