why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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