Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
