I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
