i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think my vagina is haunted
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
